George Carlin – Modern Man

From http://www.mindfully.org/Reform/2005/Modern-Man-Carlin15nov05.htm:

I’m a modern man, digital and smoke-free; a man for the millennium.

A diversified, multi-cultural, post-modern deconstructionist; politically, anatomically and ecologically incorrect.

I’ve been uplinked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced. I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading.

I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting-edge, state-of-the-art, bi-coastal multi-tasker, and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

I’m new-wave, but I’m old-school; and my inner child is outward-bound.

I’m a hot-wired, heat-seeking, warm-hearted cool customer; voice-activated and bio-degradable.

I interface with my database; my database is in cyberspace; so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive, and from time to time I’m radioactive.

Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin’ the wave, dodgin’ the bullet, pushin’ the envelope.

I’m on point, on task, on message, and off drugs.

I’ve got no need for coke and speed; I’ve got no urge to binge and purge.

I’m in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar.

A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary.

A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom-feeder.

I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps, I run victory laps.

I’m a totally ongoing, big-foot, slam-dunk rainmaker with a pro-active outreach.

A raging workaholic, a working rageaholic; out of rehab and in denial.

I’ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant, and a personal agenda.

You can’t shut me up; you can’t dumb me down. ‘Cause I’m tireless, and I’m wireless. I’m an alpha-male on beta-blockers.

I’m a non-believer, I’m an over-achiever; Laid-back and fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home; low-rent, high-maintenance.

I’m super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built to last.

A hands-on, footloose, knee-jerk head case; prematurely post-traumatic, and I have a love child who sends me hate-mail.

But I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, I’m sharing. A supportive, bonding, nurturing primary-care giver.

My output is down, but my income is up. I take a short position on the long bond, and my revenue stream has its own cash flow.

I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports.

I’m gender-specific, capital-intensive, user-friendly and lactose-intolerant.

I like rough sex; I like tough love. I use the F-word in my e-mail. And the software on my hard drive is hard-core—no soft porn.

I bought a microwave at a mini-mall. I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast food in the slow lane. I’m toll-free, bite-size, ready-to-wear, and I come in all sizes.

A fully equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically-formulated medical miracle.

I’ve been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped and vacuum-packed.

And . . . I have unlimited broadband capacity.

I’m a rude dude, but I’m the real deal. Lean and mean. Cocked, locked and ready to rock; rough, tough and hard to bluff.

I take it slow, I go with the flow; I ride with the tide, I’ve got glide in my stride.

Drivin’ and movin’, sailin’ and spinnin’; jivin’ and groovin’, wailin’ and winnin’.

I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty, and lunchtime is crunch time.

I’m hangin’ in, there ain’t no doubt; and I’m hangin’ tough.

Over and out.

 

South Park – Our Scause?

WATCH HERE: South Park – Our Scause?

Dr. Seuss-inspired parody of wristbands worn to represent causes.

Excerpt from:

Season 16
A Scause for Applause
Looking to raise awareness for their cause, Stan and Jesus visit the P.F. Pityef Bracelet factory.

green scauses for recycling
blue scauses for kitties
and pink scauses that focus on nothing but titties

Designer drugs evade US law enforcement

Published on Jun 25, 2012 by AlJazeeraEnglish
Many designer drugs start as legal products, and scientists continually alter the chemical structures very slightly to keep one step ahead of law enforcement.

The designer drug called Bath Salts is getting a lot of attention, raising questions over how the government regulates synthetic drugs in America.

Al Jazeera’s Scott Heidler reports from New York.

US Religious Diversity Prompts Increase in Interfaith Marriage

Oct 5, 2011

Religion researchers estimate that one third to one half of all marriages in the United States are between people of different faiths. Interfaith marriage can present a particular challenge for Jews, who are already inter-marrying at a higher rate than other faiths. As Jews prepare to observe Yom Kippur, their holiest day of the year, on October 8, our reporter went to an interfaith congregation in a suburb of Washington.

Cool Wedding – Portlandia on IFC

Spyke and Iris meet with a wedding planner to discuss the concept for their upcoming nuptials, from Portlandia season 2, episode 3

Harajuku Girls – Portlandia on IFC

The Harajuku Girls visit Coffee Land, from Portlandia episode 3.

The Guild – Do You Wanna Date My Avatar (2009)

LYRICS:
Do you wanna date my avatar?
Do you wanna date my avatar?

Hang with me in my MMO
So many places we can go
You’ll never see my actual face
Our love, our love will be in virtual space

I’m craving to emote with you
So many animations I can do
Be anything you want me to be
C’mon, c’mon, and share a potion with me

Do you wanna date my avatar?
She’s a star
And she’s hotter than reality by far
Wanna date my avatar?

The Most Original Video on Youtube

Funny or Die – Adulterers

In the future there will be a lot of shows like Cheaters, but at least this one has a surpise guest appearance and a twist ending that doesn’t involve someone caught having sex with someone on camera!

MEGAPOST: The Wire – Behind the Scenes

Season 4 – It’s All Connected

Season 5 – The Last Word

MEGAPOST: Art by Animals Auction

Bid on artwork actually created by animals in our zoos and aquariums! This auction will benefit wildlife conservation. Artisit animals come from the Association of Zoos and Aquariums accredited destinations. Art is a valuable form of enrichments for these animals.

Art By Animals Auction: Preview 1

This is collectible artwork created by animals from America’s top zoos and aquariums.

Art By Animals Auction: Preview 2

Episode 1

Picasso, Dali, van Gogh and Monet churned out classic works of art with brush and canvas, but how would they have fared with flippers, paws, snouts or scales instead of fingers? Weve unleashed the beasts and a few Pigcassos and Lionardos emerged. The Association of Zoos and Aquariums (AZA) offers up 61 lots created by lions, pigs, penguins and many more.

Röyksopp ‘Senior’ Film (2010)

“The film is a portrait more than an explanatory narrative. Our goal was to suggest a journey and communicate its emotional arc by showing disjointed fragments.

We shot it in Detroit because it is exists as a contemporary dystopia. It immediately came to mind as a perfect location due to its importance in American history and because certain areas of the city are incredibly decayed. We didn’t do any set dressing, all of our locations were filmed as we found them. We liked the contrast of seeing these surreal people in an environment that is absolutely real.

Röyksopp’s Adventures in Barbieland

We had a vision, and in this vision we saw ourselves as a sleeping hobo and an old man respectively. The following is a vivid depiction of some of the events that occurred during an intended stay in Barbieland. And remember, It’s a true story….

ART:21 | Transformation – Race & Class

[Title punctuation diversity win.]

WATCH: ART:21 | Transformation – Race & Class

Artists capture the sensibility of our age by satirizing society and reinventing icons of literature, art history, and popular culture.

“My work, all along, has been a critique of Empire,” says Yinka Shonibare MBE, adopting the honorific title of Member of the Order of the British Empire, with willful irony, as part of his name. Shown in his London studio, Shonibare is working on his first series of drawings in twelve years, taking as his subject climate change. The artist is also on hand for the installation of a retrospective of sculptures—headless, “post-racial,” mannequins dressed in vibrant costumes—at the MCA Sydney. Acting as the protagonist in two photographic series, Shonibare explores personal themes of leisure, excess, mortality, vanity and physical disability. The final work in the segment is a masked ballet that recounts the assassination of King Gustav III of Sweden. “Power creates excess,” he asserts, while playfully admitting, “I also, actually, would like to have the trappings of wealth myself, even though I may be criticizing it.”